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A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

D’oh. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.

  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Natural Born Kissers

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Save me, Jeebus. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

The Last Temptation of Homer

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

  1. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
  2. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
  3. I was saying “Boo-urns.”
  4. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Marge vs. Monorail

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Human contact: the final frontier. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

Homer the Great

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Homer no function beer well without. Me fail English? That’s unpossible.

No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Vincent and the Doctor

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Army of Ghosts

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

Planet of the Dead

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. You’ve swallowed a planet! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

  1. You’ve swallowed a planet!
  2. No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.
  3. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!
The Long Game

No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! You’ve swallowed a planet! You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

Midnight

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.